Friday, March 11, 2011

Her Frigid Heart (short story)

It’s very cold

The endless Winter surrounds her

Her moth bitten ash coat keeps her alive

But not warm

But she is kept alive

In her frozen entirety

By the icicles driven through her heart

Bloodless sacrifices keep her from needing warmth

The chill is already within her

And it’s not a defeat

For there is no pain

Only numbness

She walks

Home to home to beg

For the few sporadic bursts of warmth

Sporadic as human compassion

Doors open for short period until they see what has come

One short blast of body warming heat later and they shut the door

It’s ok

Empathy is not something that was expected

But the memories of the fleeting warmth cling to her

And sustain her

Sometimes, wavering on indecision

The door stay open for longer than expected

In those bittersweet times, heat surrounds her being

Letting her imagine what it would be like to be

Submerged in heat for more than quick moments

But as the fires thaw her body, they thaw the icicles in her heart

Pain pierces her relief as her numbness becomes slightly undone

But it’s ok

She doesn’t expect friendliness for too long

She never hopes for her heart to truly heal

By the way of thawing the cold within her

And the stitches that would be needed for her heart if finally it could escape the cold

Because the scars in her heart caused by the ripping remains of what froze her

Would need an outsider’s aid to keep her alive

And her faith in human compassion is as cold as the rest of her

It’s ok

She was used to the fleeting heat

And the endless cold that followed her

Until one night

She knocked on a door

A door that wasn’t different from any of the others she’s knocked on

But when he opened the door

He stared at her in shock and horror

Not the horror she expected though

It was horror at the cold within her

The ice that had encased her

She felt dazed by his compassion and sympathy

Especially when he ushered her in

Still in shock

She stood in the hall awkwardly

He guided her to his fireplace

Gathered blankets around her

She warned him

That her cold went deep

That her pain once freed would need

A great amount of attention

And that she could die if his warmth unfroze too much of her

Only to be kicked back into the cold

They talked

She revealed her inner scars

And he wasn’t frightened away

Even though he never said the words

He seemed to indicate that he would sing her into sleep

patch her scars

and she fell asleep to his voice filled with promise

So she thawed

Her numbness gave way as the deep scars within her chest

Opened fresh and bleeding from the warmth around her

At first he tended to her while she was sleeping

But the scars were deep

So much more serious than he could ever have expected

And the pain that should have awaken her

Was blocked by her belief that she had found somewhere safe

That she was going to be ok

So she bled

She woke from her slumber with bone quaking shivers

And searing hot pains coming from within her

She realized she was outside again

Then winter just as cold as before

In fact

It was colder because her open wounds no longer possessed numbness

Only the pain of being open to the air

She tried to move on like she had previously

Home to home but not staying long

But her heart wouldn’t heal

The blood kept the icicles that would provide her numbness

From forming again

More and more she bled as she tried to keep going

She wasn’t ok anymore

Finally she collapsed into the snow

Strangers walked by promising that eventually she would get help

But she only lay dying in the snow

Regretful of the hope that had gotten her here

And haunted by the dread the filled her

A dread that told her

You’ll never be ok again

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