What will destroy me is this silence. right here. a silence that smells of this bed that i unconsciously made myself. It's filled with mothballs of my imagination and a chained fence to keep me away from the unimaginable, the unattainable things that i cant cope with.
but it's not my fault, i never knew another way. but im still stranded.
what can i do honestly now that i've seen that there is no way out and the habits i thought were just habits are actually buried deep inside the bone so that i can never escape them or be saved from them.
why do i cringe, why do i run, why cant i just stop and chill for one second. why do i always feel like staying will destroy me when running is helping no better.