It’s very cold
The endless Winter surrounds her
Her moth bitten ash coat keeps her alive
But not warm
But she is kept alive
In her frozen entirety
By the icicles driven through her heart
Bloodless sacrifices keep her from needing warmth
The chill is already within her
And it’s not a defeat
For there is no pain
Only numbness
She walks
Home to home to beg
For the few sporadic bursts of warmth
Sporadic as human compassion
Doors open for short period until they see what has come
One short blast of body warming heat later and they shut the door
It’s ok
Empathy is not something that was expected
But the memories of the fleeting warmth cling to her
And sustain her
Sometimes, wavering on indecision
The door stay open for longer than expected
In those bittersweet times, heat surrounds her being
Letting her imagine what it would be like to be
Submerged in heat for more than quick moments
But as the fires thaw her body, they thaw the icicles in her heart
Pain pierces her relief as her numbness becomes slightly undone
But it’s ok
She doesn’t expect friendliness for too long
She never hopes for her heart to truly heal
By the way of thawing the cold within her
And the stitches that would be needed for her heart if finally it could escape the cold
Because the scars in her heart caused by the ripping remains of what froze her
Would need an outsider’s aid to keep her alive
And her faith in human compassion is as cold as the rest of her
It’s ok
She was used to the fleeting heat
And the endless cold that followed her
Until one night
She knocked on a door
A door that wasn’t different from any of the others she’s knocked on
But when he opened the door
He stared at her in shock and horror
Not the horror she expected though
It was horror at the cold within her
The ice that had encased her
She felt dazed by his compassion and sympathy
Especially when he ushered her in
Still in shock
She stood in the hall awkwardly
He guided her to his fireplace
Gathered blankets around her
She warned him
That her cold went deep
That her pain once freed would need
A great amount of attention
And that she could die if his warmth unfroze too much of her
Only to be kicked back into the cold
They talked
She revealed her inner scars
And he wasn’t frightened away
Even though he never said the words
He seemed to indicate that he would sing her into sleep
patch her scars
and she fell asleep to his voice filled with promise
So she thawed
Her numbness gave way as the deep scars within her chest
Opened fresh and bleeding from the warmth around her
At first he tended to her while she was sleeping
But the scars were deep
So much more serious than he could ever have expected
And the pain that should have awaken her
Was blocked by her belief that she had found somewhere safe
That she was going to be ok
So she bled
She woke from her slumber with bone quaking shivers
And searing hot pains coming from within her
She realized she was outside again
Then winter just as cold as before
In fact
It was colder because her open wounds no longer possessed numbness
Only the pain of being open to the air
She tried to move on like she had previously
Home to home but not staying long
But her heart wouldn’t heal
The blood kept the icicles that would provide her numbness
From forming again
More and more she bled as she tried to keep going
She wasn’t ok anymore
Finally she collapsed into the snow
Strangers walked by promising that eventually she would get help
But she only lay dying in the snow
Regretful of the hope that had gotten her here
And haunted by the dread the filled her
A dread that told her
You’ll never be ok again
